How to hug a hedgehog...

There are people in our lives that we love very much, yet somehow every conversation feels like we are navigating a minefield, or an argument is just around the next wrong word. You know the ones? I’ve certainly been (and sometimes still am) the one…

Despite the tiptoeing, walking on eggshells and the precision with that you chose your words you still manage to set off their prickles. We often feel the prickly exterior is a wall we have break down, a problem to solve, and that is exhausting.

So how about we look at things from a different perspective to help us make sense of things and learn how to cuddle hedgehogs. I’d now like to share a few tips to help you safely handle the prickly little things.

The prickliness isn’t about you…

This is probably the most difficult yet most liberating thing to get your head around. When a hedgehog curls up into a ball exposing it’s prickles we must remember it’s a primary defence mechanism. It’s not to be nasty or malicious but when they feel vulnerable, scared or threatened. When your loved one puts their defences up it’s not a personal attack, but a learned response to what has hurt them before.

Replace the defensiveness or urge to fight back with a quiet sense of understanding.

Control your response, don’t react…

You can’t force a hedgehog to uncurl; the only thing you can control is how you respond. You can’t demand someone stop being prickly. The difference between reacting and responding is time; by taking time to respond with calmness and patience we can completely change the dynamic of what happens next. Don’t react with hurt, stay calm and respond with kindness.

A calm presence can be like a soothing lotion signalling that there is no threat or danger and no need for them to be defensive.

Soft belly…

It’s a fact, every hedgehog has a soft belly, the same goes for the prickly characters in our lives, they all have moments of vulnerability, softness and genuine moments of warmth.

These moments can be fleeting or extremely well hidden, but when they are exposing their softer side, acknowledge it and gently connect during those moments showing that that you see the gentler person behind the prickles.

Hug from a safe distance…

Sometimes the safest way to hug someone is from a distance. The hedgehog can sometimes be so hurt and wounded by the world that any close or personal approach can result in pain for both of you. In this case learning to love from a distance isn’t a failure, it’s an act of self-preservation. It means setting healthy boundaries, protecting your own heart and offering your care in a way that doesn’t leave you harmed.

It’s quite a thing to accept that you can love someone without holding them too tight.

Final thought…

I hope this different way at looking at someone helps; it’s something I’ve been personally working on to stop me being more of a hedgehog to those around me that love and care for me.

I’m not a person to be fixed, but a person to be understood. The same goes for the loved ones in your life.

By taking time to understand what's causing the problems we really can make such a huge impact on them, by talking and sharing it's really helped those around me understand me better and that's what has kept me moving forward through the tough days. Knowing people care and get it/me.

Really hope this helps and if you want to learn more about how I can support you with the more trickier relationships in your life please get in touch.

Thank you.

Diesel.